So what are the signs of low self esteem? It could be someone in your family, or maybe a friend or co-worker, but if someone you love suffers from low self esteem, you need to know how to determine the signs.

The first thing to remember is that all of us doubt ourselves to a certain degree at least once in our lives. For example a person who is under a lot of stress may feel that they cannot cope with the situation that they are in. But a person with high self esteem in that position will look at the situation and consider how it can be changed so that it is more manageable. But if your self esteem is low, you would usually react by getting down in the dumps and blaming yourself. The blame game could also extend to other people who shouldn’t be involved.

People who see themselves in a very low light would usually sell themselves (if they try to) in the most negative manner possible. Often, this means presenting themselves as a victim. They would look for a scapegoat, and oftentimes it would be everybody’s fault but theirs. It’s as if they have to find somebody to blame for everything that goes wrong. Anybody’s fault but theirs.

This is a way of avoiding taking responsibility for their own lives. And the root of this is a belief that they cannot do anything right and cannot satisfy their own needs. And if they’d try to sort things out, they’d end up failing miserably. And while they, in all fairness, want to feel good about the way they are, they resort to using other people as scapegoats.

If you know somebody who acts this way, it is sometimes possible to help them by pointing out things that they could do to improve whatever it is that they are complaining about. Don’t be surprised, though, if they decline, politely or not. They will keep thinking of reasons why your suggestions will not work. If this happens, it may be better to tell them about their areas of strength. They just might believe you (though they often won’t) and think that they’ve been doing too much whining, so they’ll at least tone down this way.

If someone you know is obviously being used by somebody else, this could be another one of the signs of low self esteem. They often try very hard to please other people and will do almost anything that is asked of them. Unfortunately, people do not usually value those who are so eager to please. It’s like the kid who tries to buy friendship by giving away all his candy and toys at school. While everybody at that keg party may have gone home intoxicated and/or happy, the kid’s ploy still wouldn’t work – it’s his weakness, and not his generosity that drove him to throw the party.

There are many other signs of low self esteem that can be quite obvious – frequent changes in work and/or partners and numerous addictions are just a couple. And even if it may not work out the best in the long run, these people would often seek the quickest solution just to get the monkey off their back. They do not believe that they have the power to improve their lives, so rather than facing up to a challenge in a job, for example, they will look for another job. Rather than working on a relationship they will keep looking for the perfect partner with whom, they think, no effort will be required.

Fortunately, there are many ways to improve a low self esteem. We can change if we want to. It starts with noticing the problem, acknowledging it, and doing what we could to sort things out. Whenever you notice the signs of self esteem in your daily life, it’s time to do something about them.

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Filed under: Motivation • Self Esteem

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